"I'm not perfect" – Disability and young people -What Parents Need to Know

In a society where being “perfect” is praised and imperfect despised, raising disabled children was never going to be easy. It is even harder for the disabled child.



[caption id="attachment_291" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Isolation among disabled people is high"][/caption]

Being hearing impaired myself, I have experienced this first-hand; at times it is a feeling of isolation, of frustration at not having the same faculties as everyone else, even a sense of injustice.

How we may be perceived by others always is a problem for a disabled child, the fear of reprimand and rejection causes them to retreat into solitude, their own personal world where they can feel safe being themselves.

For 10 years, I had a hearing problem without knowing, a series of hearing tests and a diagnostic later, I was fitted with a hearing aid. The self-consciousness that came with it was overwhelming, at first I found it hard to adapt, but after a while I noticed the benefits and embraced it. My mother and the people around me were always supportive and encouraged me to be bold. The first few years were fine, you tend to notice that younger children are less reprimanding than older children, based on their exposure to the world.

When I entered college, self-consciousness kicked in again, in a bigger way than when I first had my hearing aid fitted, there were no reprimands from other students, but I had it lodged in my mind that I would be rejected based on one small addition to my features, so I resorted to wearing hats to cover my hearing aid. This helped me get through college, but affected my ability to hear well – I sacrificed one benefit for another and lost out. I sacrificed the benefit of being able to hear for the benefit of being accepted, as a result, I failed my college course that year and learned my lesson.

Between all of this, were snide comments, repetitive put-downs from people I may have regarded as friends, a serious lack of confidence. I, as most young people do when in school/college/university, entered a new world, and this world was not connected to my home. At home, I was the most confident person known to my family, outside of my home, I was a shadow of the person I was. This was frustrating to me and it was in this time that I momentarily started smoking, and giving into peer pressure in order to fit in.

The next year I went back to college. Remembering the experiences of the previous year, I resolved to operate an attitude that was based on me doing well for myself and not for others. In doing this, I found my confidence rose and I was able to relate to others freely, there were cases when I would be mocked by others but I did not take them to heart, although it could be trying at times. I got involved in more activities, including playing for the college football team, joining the college gym, taking part in events in and around the college. I even got distracted by females, it was that time in my life, the time of puberty, so you know, bound to happen.

In other words I was able to express myself freely. It was this bold step that has seen me go from strength to strength and champion young people.

Why have I told you this?

The experiences of a disabled young person can define the person they will become as an adult. The mental scars of our experiences, we sometimes never divulge to others and these scars impede us from developing.

The parent of a disabled child needs to be even more involved than any other parent, especially if your child is not going to a school specially created for children with disabilities. Even if it is partial blindness or partial hearing loss, depending on the support they receive at home the child, will be self-conscious and withdrawn when around others who “appear” to be perfect.

One of the reasons why I was able to gain the courage to go to college everyday was down to the love, care and support I received from my mother, I have not told her this, but then again, I am now.

Yes, even my mother and I have been affected by the generation gap. It cannot be avoided, it is how you approach it that makes the difference.

It is, going into the harsh world everyday dealing with rebukes and rejection but being able to come home to a loving family who support them through it and encourage them to push on that gives disabled young people the impetus they need to be successful.

Lets have a look at successful who have surpassed their disabilities to achieve:

• Nelson Mandela has a hearing problem, yet still champions freedom


• Stephen Hawking has a motor neurone disease, yet he is a renowned astrologer


• Tom Cruise is a successful actor, yet he has dyslexia

There are many famous people a parent can use to show their children what is possible. Take for example Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder, is it not inspirational that a blind man can master the piano so well?

If a disabled child feels the love they need from home and family, they will never need to validate themselves to others, my mistake in my first year in college was setting aside my mother's love for the “liking” of others, in other words, I subscribed to a popular theme of young people – 'strength in numbers' – rather than, 'quality over quantity'.

It is imperative that the parents of disabled children and able children involve them in as many activities as possible, by doing this you are giving your child the opportunity to find out more about what they are capable of and how far they can go to achieve.

My experience handling my disability was nothing compared to what other young people who are in the educational system from primary to college have to endure, however the effects are the same.

<It is my belief that there is no such thing as 'DISability', I believe that everyone is able to achieve something no matter what. It is proven that the other faculties of a disabled person are enhanced to make up for what has been lost.

Teachers and parents must work closely together to formulate ways of ensuring that children make the most of their education. Speaking with teachers regularly and showing interest in your child's education encourages the teachers to take more interest in your child and any information about your child helps them to understand what the implications are on your child's education. This should make the job easier for teachers and give you the peace of mind to be able to work knowing your child is in good, capable hands.

Is that not what every parent wants?